London Calling…..
It’s been a very long time since I flew directly from Cincinnati to London – or from London directly to Cincinnati – and even then, it was from between Gatwick and Cincinnati. When Delta had the L-1011 Tristar’s flying back and forth.
Suddenly, I remember that they also had a designated smoking section at the back of the plane – a bit like the designated smoker's corner at my old high school – Preston Lodge. Where only the toughest of the tough would venture, even if you had to go the long way around to get to the music department you never went to the smokers area, there may be dragons or something near by.
Actually, it was pretty much the same at the back of the L-1011, a bit of a no-mans land – where you only went when you had a to get some water or use the bathroom and you had to tough it out in case you get trapped.
I digress, I am fortunate to be back in the London, this week having arrived on Sunday morning, traveling overnight on British Airway’s direct flight – ah the joys of being able to fly to London directly (well at least Heathrow) in under 8hrs.
I was disappointed to find that we were being met off the “direct international flight” at Terminal 5, with a bloody bus. I hate getting on a bus at LHR (London Heathrow) – as it usually means long waits as they compress as many people sardines into the tin as they can, then drive you aimlessly around LHR for the next 45-90 minutes.
I swear we routinely pass by our aircraft 4 times, until they can find a slot to pull the bus into, then they get the key to can off the top of the bus and open the doors to have all of us, sardines fall out and roll around on the ground.
But, what a surprise today – the bus only took us past the aircraft two times and we were released in short order into terminal 5 – expecting the long walk (you know what I mean if you have flown from LHR) to Passport control…
Well, how surprised was I, when I had to simply go up the (unusually) operating escalator and we were in the hall for passport control – with no lines….. I walked, sorry I am lying here, I skipped for joy and was through the electronic passport barrier in under 90 seconds – although the automatic screen (Bloody IoT device - I wonder if its using my WiFI), did give some sort of error and I was about to back out and try the one next to me – only to find the glass doors opened and I was free…. Back in the homeland… well nearly it’s still England….
Making my way down to the hall of horrors, I mean luggage pick up – the place where we all become chickens, hunting and pecking at every bag as it passes by us on the conveyor belt. We all start off being cool and distant, but as soon as the belt starts moving we all start clucking and pecking…. Moving closer to the belt…. In the hope that our bag will be arrive (some time soon in the next 2-3 hrs) or at all.
I am amazed how many people forget the size, shape and colour/color of their bag/case and have to check each one just in case BA has decided to take all their contents into someone else’s case. People pulling cases off the belt to find nothing but disappointment, that no that black Away case is actually not their American Tourister case….. and they reluctantly push the case back onto the belt and start looking at the next case to slide on past as they chase after it, to repeat the cycle over again.
Perhaps I am just jaded and fed up or have traveled enough, that I know if I have to check my luggage I know I am not going to be getting out of the hall of horrors for at least an hour if I am lucky, even longer if I have the priority label attached to my bag – that simply means it gets put at the bottom of the pile when the luggage agents “unload” the contents of the hold containers.
Ah but not today day dear reader, before I could go to the bathroom, I told you it was a fast exit out of passport control, and get the Find My App open to look for my Apple AirTag – bloody hell. Is that my case coming out of the mystery prize door? (I can tell my black away case from everyone else’s because – I have a huge Scottish Flag on the top of it) – wonders never cease to occur – plane arrived early – bus trip around half of England was cut in half, walk to passport control and now the hall of horrors and I am out through customs and walking to the Heathrow Express in under 20 mins…. Am I dreaming ?
Nope, I get to the hotel and find its in the East End of London….. I could tell be cause the cast of Eastenders were all watching me get out the Taxi from the Queen Vic…..
I may have to pause here to explain to those folks what the Queen Vic – is. Well, lets see how do I explain this…. Ok – so I can’t but here is the link to Wikipedia EastEnders
I have been upgraded to a skyview room – “is that alright?” I nod and avoid concierge who have already twice tried to get my bags off me so they can take them to my room for 50pence each.
Actually I have no idea how much to tip concierge for rolling my bags to the lift and then to my assigned room – besides – who has cash to hand out anymore – I wonder if they have a chip and pin machine to accept your card ?
Apparently being on the 17th floor is a thing and not everyone likes it. I have no idea why until I looked out this morning and felt a sudden fear of heights, the window is floor to ceiling and the ground is a long way down. See photos…..
So, I decided to go wander and pick up some essentials for my time in the EastEnders world, nothing too fancy – a pickaxe handle, a shiny shell tracksuit, an anorak, a dog without a collar, a cockney accent and a short buzz haircut– just in case I get “bovvered”.
For my readers in the US - I will re-phrase the above….
I made the decision to take a stroll and gather some basic necessities for my stay in the world of EastEnders. I didn't want anything too extravagant, just a few items such as a pickaxe handle, a flashy tracksuit made of shell material, a hooded jacket, a stray dog, a distinct London accent, and a short, buzzed hairstyle, in case I encounter any trouble.
Only to find, that this is Easter Sunday, in the afternoon and all the shops are closed – ALL of them… From M&S to even gulp Aldi – so I had to go to the next nearest thing, the smoker's corner of every town and city, the 24 hr garage…. The last bastion of society – at least on Easter Sunday in London.
I was able to get some essential supplies, a packet of Cheese & Onion Crisps, (Turns out I had forgotten Walkers have different colors for Salt n Vinegar and Cheese & Onion - I got Salt and Vinegar, 750Ml of Sparkling water, a copy of the Sunday Times, a mars bar and a bottle of Irn-Bru. Did you know that Coca-Cola – is the worlds most popular drink – except for Scotland– where they have tried to oust the local Irn-Bru – and failed.